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Baby Reindeer è sulla bocca di tutti. La miniserie di Netflix sull’epopea autobiografica dell’attore, sceneggiatore e regista Richard Gadd vittima di una stalker ha conquistato il successo grazie alla lucidità tagliente della narrazione e all’attualità del tema dell’abuso psicologico e delle sue conseguenze. Alla base del consenso collettivo, anche dei critici esperti, di Baby Reindeer c’è rara profondità psicologica in cui lo spettatore è calato una puntata dopo l’altra, sino al fondo dell’abisso che inghiotte i protagonisti della vicenda: Donny, comico in crisi artistica e identitaria, e Marta, la sua persecutrice implacabile.
Come riconoscere lo stalking
Che cosa vuol dire essere vittima di stalking e come difendersi prima di precipitare nella spirali viziosa descritta dalla serie di Richard Gadd? Subire stalking significa vivere nell’ansia e nell’angoscia di uscire di casa, vuol dire scivolare come ombre lungo la strada, pregando di essere invisibili. Temere lo squillo del telefono, sobbalzare all’arrivo di un sms o di una notifica sui propri social network. Trovare ogni giorno messaggi su WhatsApp, sulla posta elettronica o sul lunotto dell’automobile. Subire stalking vuol dire essere braccati e invasi in ogni espressione di libertà e avvertire che il persecutore s’insinua ovunque e, impunemente, può: chiama amici in comune, entra sotto falso nome su facebook o nelle chat, carpisce informazioni da conoscenti.
Chi è lo stalker
Questo è ciò che accade a donne e agli uomini fatte oggetto dell’ossessione di qualcuno determinato a conquistare con qualunque mezzo un ruolo centrale nella loro vita. Anche se in alcuni casi lo/la stalker è uno sconosciuto o quasi, mosso dall’illusione di avere chance erotiche o sentimentali con la vittima, la maggioranza delle volte è una persona che ha avuto una relazione con chi perseguita ed incapace di accettare il rifiuto o l’abbandono subiti.
Gli effetti dello stalking
Fare stalking vuol dire interferire reiteratamente mediante comunicazioni verbali e non sulla vita privata di una persona non consenziente allo scopo di estorcerle attenzioni. Nei casi limite queste condotte hanno conseguenze drammatiche come l’aggressione fisica e l’omicidio, ma le vicende di stalking possono protrarsi per mesi e per anni senza mai comportare un pericolo per l’incolumità fisica della vittima e, tuttavia, costituire un grave fattore stressogeno e produrre significativi danni psicologici spesso riconducibili sul piano diagnostico al disturbo post-traumatico da stress: ansia, panico, insonnia, depressione e somatizzazioni.
Come si realizza la persecuzione
Gli e le stalker più pericolosi sono quelli che innescano un’escalation che procede dalla persecuzione mediata dai mezzi di comunicazione all’imporre la loro presenza attraverso appostamenti, pedinamenti e arrivano a imporsi richiedendo di incontrare la vittima attraverso la minaccia o la manipolazione. Un ulteriore fattore d’allarme è la possibilità che lo stalker sia un individuo socialmente isolato e problematico, protagonista di episodi pregressi di aggressività fisica e altre condotte devianti in contesti anche diversi da quello sentimentale.
Come difendersi dallo stalking
La prima cosa da sapere è che bisogna evitare di sottostimare o minimizzare il significato di condotte impulsive, intrusive ed ossessive, specie quando perdurano oltre due settimane dalla fine della relazione con lo stalker o dall’inizio della sua attività persecutoria. Tipicamente la vittima può attraversare una fase caratterizzata da sensi di colpa e di vergogna, chiedersi dove ha sbagliato per innescare condotte così assillanti e sperare che passino con un po’ di pazienza e di comprensione. Invece, occorre riconoscere il prima possibile che nessuno e per nessuna ragione può arrogarsi il diritto di penetrare deliberatamente nella nostra vita, soprattutto a fronte di mancate risposte o di ferme e decise richieste di interrompere ogni comunicazione. In caso di stalking, diventa vitale raccogliere e conservare ogni contatto, ogni messaggio, ogni elemento che, in caso di escalation possa comprovare il reato, così da permettere l’intervento di delle forze dell’ordine e di un legale, se necessario. Ma, ancora più fondamentale è evitare di sfidare lo stalker, di reagire con aggressività o, peggio, di minacciarlo quando ancora le sue azioni sono strategicamente al di sotto di una “soglia” non perseguibile sul piano giuridico.
Indicazione per gestire una situazione di stalking:
Punto primo: DENUNCIARE, tolleranza zero. Denunciare subito, appena ci si rende conto che le azioni del persecutore limitano anche minimamente la propria libertà o incutono timore.
Punto secondo: NON CREDERE ALLE PROMESSE, l’aggressore si traveste da agnello. La costante dei casi di stalking è la richiesta di perdono da parte dell’aggressore e la promessa che le cose cambieranno. Non è vero. Anche se sembra credibile, lo stalker patologico estorce il perdono per poter guadagnare terreno sulla vittima.
Punto terzo: NON CERCARE DI CAPIRE ma allontanarsi drasticamente. Altra costante nei casi di stalking è il tentativo da parte della vittima di “capire” la sofferenza dell’aggressore e provare in qualche modo ad essergli d’aiuto.
È fondamentale interrompere ogni forma di contatto diretto o indiretto col persecutore e informalo con la massima fermezza che i suoi comportamenti non saranno tollerati. In caso di reiterazione dello stalking, denunciare immediatamente e ripetere la denuncia tutte le volte fosse necessario senza più parlare con lo stalker in nessun caso. Quando poi, come spesso accade, le condotte persecutorie portassero la vittima a sviluppare sintomi psicologici è importante chiedere l’aiuto di uno psicologo o psicoterapeuta per gestire l’intensità dei sintomi e farsi supportare nella gestione del caso.
